An Angel a Day, Three Days in a Row

I've had quite a week, an interesting week nontheless. I'm so ready for the weekend. Sigh work's piling up as usual, will I ever get to the bottom of the stack? Specs and more specs...drawings and more drawings to check, more to generate...beams, flow rates, fabrications...my mind's full.

Snow started visiting Vancouver last Sat. I'd been hoping for it. I was in Richmond, just on my way to the library when it started raining. It was on the borderline of being snow...and I of course was wishing in my heart that it's real snow. And 15 minutes later when I walked out of the library, tada, it was snowing! A light flurry which started to get heavier and heavier! I love it when it snows; everything becomes so purely white and if snow accumulates enough, everything becomes so bright. I love it when you turn off all the lights inside the house at night, and there's still the light coming through the curtains off the snow. It's so pristinely serene. Too bad most beautiful things are fragile though; the white gets mucked up pretty quick when a car drives by, just like the grimy snow covering the berms on Oak bridge. Snow's prettiest when it's fresh and undisturbed, at the height of its purity.

So my first couple of angels came by on Monday morning when I got stuck at the entrance to the parking lot @ work. They were simply driving by and were nice enough to stop by when they guessed that I was stuck. Originally they were gonna push my car it...and ultimately the Dad took over the steering wheel and somehow backed out of the mess and got enough momentum to actually make a way through the snow into a parking spot, which turned out by chance to be my usual parking spot! Apparently he had just picked up his son from his night shift at the London Drugs warehouse which is down the block where I work. I'd never seen them before. Such nice people.

My second angel was a coworker of mine. I'd inadvertently dropped my keys in the snow on Monday afternoon. I sorta had a hunch that I'd dropped it, but I was so tired I really didn't wanna dig up all the snow to find the keys. So I went with my other logical deduction, that I must've locked myself out when I took out the shovel from the trunk to clear the snow near my front wheels during lunch time. So I took the bus to work Tues morning, so ready to become an icicle from the pinching cold, and opened my trunk with my spare key, only to find no keys in there. So needless to say, there's no denial that I'd dropped my keys in the snow. There was no one else @ work yet other than Brian, so he came over to help me find my keys. What's so interesting was that he just started kicking up the snow from where he was, and honestly, two kicks later, I could see something black poking through. The next thing I knew, he bent down and picked up the keys for me! Just like that! We didn't have to search or anything like that! And could I say that God wasn't watching over me at that time? I'd be a liar if I said that! So I said to Brian that now that he'd found my keys, he could help me find my chapstick, cuz I kept my keys & chapstick in the same pocket. And honestly again, he just picked a spot somehow close to where he'd found the keys, and started kicking there. Two kicks and he picked up the chapstick for me. This all happened so quick and the whole thing was so coincidental I was so amazed. We stood there just laughing at the whole thing...probably looking like idiots too.

My third angel came by today. Another co-worker of mine...sorta. He actually works for another company, but we work in the same building, and the company he works for and the company I work for sorta have this funny relationship between them. I don't see him that often, not just cuz we're separated by the floor, but also cuz he travels quite a bit. Anyways, I left work on time tonight and was putting my gloves on to get ready to scrape the snow/ice off my windshield as I went out to the parking lot, and I saw him almost done brushing off the snow off my front and back windows! I totally didn't expect that! It was such a surprise that I almost forgot what to say. Three angels in three days! Why? I don't know why!

And I'm tired. I'm stressed out. Didn't sleep well cuz I'd left my cell @ work last night and didn't have my alarm clock. Kept waking up through the night thinking that it's time to go to work. I just wanna take a long sigh and then fall asleep. A long warm bath may do the trick.

More snow. I wonder where all the homeless go. Hope they're ok. I know how unbearably cold it is out there when you have to be outside for long. Waiting for the bus yesterday morning was enough experience for me. God bless the homeless.

Last Dinner

I had to bail out on my friends on a dinner/karaoke night almost last minute. Sucks. Esp. when it would've been so much fun with so many people. But considering that it was probably gonna be the last dinner/evening I'd have with my parents for this year, I did what I knew would please my dad and stayed home for the night.

I never understand why my parents like me staying home. It's not like I spend time with them or anything, in fact, I'm mostly doin' my own stuff unless they call me to help them with something. They just enjoy the idea of having me home, or knowing that I'm home, for some strange reason. And of course, I never like what they like; I like being outside, being in the open. It makes me feel free.

So...I watched a Jap anime tonight. My first taste in Jap anime in years. It's a family movie called "Spirited Away", about a girl having an adventure in a ghost bath house. I didn't think much of it, but I liked the song at the very end:
"Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depth of my heart
May I always be dreaming, the dreams that move my heart
So many tears, of sadness, uncountable through and through
I know on the other side of them, I'll find you
Every time we fall down to the ground, we look up to the blue sky above
We wake to its blueness, as for the first time
Though the road is long and lonely and the end far away, out of sight
I can with these two arms, embrace the light
As I bid farewell, my heart stops, in tenderness I feel
My silent empty body begins to listen to what is real
The wonder of living, the wonder of dying
The wind, town and flowers, we all dance one unity
Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depth of my heart
Keep dreaming your dreams, don't ever let them part
Why speak of all your sadness or life's painful woes
Instead let the same lips sing a gentle song for you
The whispering voice, we never want to forget, in each passing memory
Always there to guide you
When a mirror has been broken, shattered pieces scattered on the ground
Glimpses of new life, reflected all around
Window of beginning, stillness, new light of the dawn
Let my silent empty body be filled and reborn
No need to search outside, or sail across the sea
Cause here shining inside me, it's right here inside me
I've found a brightness, it's always with me"

Maplewood Farm

Finally I went to an animal farm in North Vancouver with two friends of mine. Didn't get to see any baby lamb, because apparently it's not the right season. Got to see some sheep, even though we weren't allowed to pet them. Sheep turned out to be quite a bit bigger than I'd expected them to be. Uglier than I'd like them to be as well =)

There were quite a few goats in the petting area, and I got my fair amount of petting with them. The younger ones had softer hair, as could be expected I guess. They were all pretty cute, but they seemed pretty boring animals. All they did was chew. Forever they were chewing something. And they chewed sideways...kinda different. It's interesting that they all knew when dinner time was, because as it got close to 4pm, which was their dinner time, all of them started bleating. It got a bit annoying actually...guess I won't survive that long on a farm after all.

We also spent quite some time feeding carrots to the rabbits. They were all fat and white. Some of them were so fat that you could see this bulb-like thing right underneath their chin. But they were all so soft. Most of the rabbits sorta yanked the carrots from you as soon as they got one end of it. I experimented with this one rabbit where I actually tried pulling back on the carrot, and it bit it off! It was kinda cool! And yes, we saw a few tufts of rabbit hair. I'm not sure how they came off the rabbits...maybe when we were running our fingers through their hair. Hope it didn't hurt much for them.

There were also chickens, roosters, horses, donkeys and yes how could I forget those two black pot-bellied pigs! They were so black and their faces looked so crunched up that it was kinda hard to make out the features. I think they would be considered ugly, but I liked them, cuz I thought them cute, although one of them seemed quite grumpy and agressive.

Overall I'm happy that I got my goats even though I didn't get my lamb. A bit disappointed that the animals were all fenced off...but I think it'd be unrealistic to have an open farm with all these animals around. But yeah, other than the cold and the rain, it was quite interesting, though I don't think I'd like to go back there again.

Piano

I worked today, freaking worked on a holiday! And I had to drag 2 helpers to work with me. It's very nice of them to oblige, but I still felt a bit bad making them work on a Sat. The best thing I could do was let them decide when to call it a day.

I can begin to understand why engineers/project managers/team leaders who work at mills are of a different mentality. It's the way to stay sane. When I was working today, I was so ready to go crazy anytime. Maybe that's how we all are wired...our nerves can't stay taut all the time, they just have to be let loose at some point, otherwise they'll simply snap. So that saying "work hard, play hard" has to have some merit. I've come to notice that how humans work usually has a parallel that's manifested in some form in nature. So I'm thinking now, if I have a cable holding up an object to the maximum capacity of the cable, will the cable snap after a time? Will it?

I was so gonna go let myself go crazy and forget everything tonight at an army party at the Legion. But I guess my wisdom eventually got the better of me; and the thought of people barfing all over wasn't exactly enticing either. Well the rain had its due effect too. So I ended up playing the piano (quite a drastic alternative to partying!); and once I started, it took quite an effort to stop. I really should thank my parents for putting me through all those lessons, for which I'm more than grateful. Although I know their intention was to give me a fallback meal ticket through piano teaching, that's probably not likely to happen (another disappointment for my parents? oops!). I've had so many people ask me to teach them, I've refused them all. Somehow I just can't interest myself in teaching piano...music's for enjoyment, and playing it gives me joy.

The SW of the US

I had a 2-hr rundown of this US road trip this co-worker of mine took a week ago, or 2 weeks ago. So I didn't get the work done as I'd like to, and we ended up leaving work at about 8:30pm. All the same, it was quite an eye-opening education, and I consider it time well spent.

I'm not good at geography. In fact, I'm so horrible that my co-workers have printed me a Canada & a US map, which are on the wall to my left. Almost exactly at my eye level when I'm sitting down. I have no idea how I made it through my geog class in high school, or passed my citizenship test. I remember that the other night, I was preparing a writeup for an O&M manual for this job in NF, and I didn't know if NF was a province or not. There wasn't anybody to ask since I was working OT alone. Good thing there's this online friend of mine on msn who came to the rescue. God bless msn!

So I learnt about the Continental Divide, the Tablesand (forget which province it's in now), the Grand Canyon...the herds of elk and other anmials...the Colorado River, some mining towns, the Mormans, the windy highways and switchbacks, the camping sites in the US vs in Canada...and it's nice to be able to see these places on google map while he was describing them. Can't wait to see the pictures when he gets them developed.

Other than the no-shower part, it really sounded like an awesome road trip. Hopefully I'd get to do something like that some time in my life. I'd like to see the Northern Lights first though. But even before that, I want to hold a baby lamb. I'm not sure why I'm all of a sudden so hooked on this sheep/lamb thing. Think once I've held one, I'll be fine again. Sometimes I think I'm too curious for my own good. Maybe I should invent a curiosity transfer machine to help me download some of my curiosity onto other people.

Orangey Time

Diagonally in front of my office window stands this big tree, most of whose leaves have already moved their home from the branches to the top of the lawn. This is the best color right now, orangey yellow. Yellow's simply too mellow and sad, orange's too bright; orangey yellow is the best. Well second best to the green of the summer.

X'mas is coming. I can hear it on the radio. Smell it in the malls. I don't know if it's the festive hype, but X'mas makes my heart flutter. I don't really know what's happening this X'mas yet, but it'd be great. Wonder if I should get out of town just to catch my White X'mas? Or maybe I should spend X'mas on a mountaintop.

These thoughts energize me and make me happy. Or rather it's the expectation of what will happen this holiday season. Work has been more than manageable this week; and the construction of my skids has been goin' smoothly so far. Getting close to the halfway mark. Looking back over the past few weeks, I realized that I'd been mostly talking/thinking/dreaming about my work, which alarmed me a little bit. I want my life to encompass more than just work. I read in a devotional yesterday that the most important thing in life is relationships, because whoever you relate to now, you'll relate to in heaven. Plus more too. I think for the past few weeks, my life's been person-work relationship rather than person-person relationship. Gotta change that soon.

I wanna make a list of all the things I want to do before I die. Wow, just writing "before I die" casts a shadow of sadness over this blog. I wanna live a full life; but I have yet to find out what it really means. Not the meaning that people assign to it, but the true, absolute meaning of it. I think that'd be my ultimate goal.

For now, I'll enjoy the sun through my office window.

Korean BBQ

So my Saturday night turned out to be quite cool after all, despite the rain. We went for Korean BBQ for my friend's b-day, the first Korean BBQ I went to that didn't give me a lingering smell in my clothes afterwards. And as usual, I skipped all the kimchi & spicy stuff.

Met quite a lot of people, two of which apparently went to the same high school as me but we simply never met. That was weird, especially when one of them was in the year as me. But o well, back in high school, everybody belonged to a "cult". Actually come to think of it, other than the b-day boy and this other guy who showed up later for the poker game, everybody was a stranger to me. They were all cool people, with one of them being quite comedian-like. Most of these people were Christians...it's very refreshing to see the "live" side of them, versus the legalistically serious side. It was a very warm, friendly feeling. Yes I liked them all.

And I had a fat chance to win the poker game later on that night too, but for the fact that we all had to go home. So we had to go all in...and there went all my chips. But the look on the b-day boy's face was priceless, the "my precious" look. I'm glad I'm his friend.

What Am I Doin'?

It's been raining all day as far as I know. Doesn't matter to me much since I've been working since late this morning. Sometimes I like the rain, even standing in it. Never stood still in pouring rain though, it just occurred to me. I should try it. Another thing on my virtual to-do list. Some day I should really sit down and put all these things on paper.

Sigh...I'm a bit disappointed today. Been goin' over some stuff that I asked someone to revise for me, and I caught quite a few mistakes. Makes me feel like the whole thing was put together without due care. Maybe it was because it was done in a hurry, and it was one of the first manuals she'd done, and maybe I expected too much. But then most of it was simply exact revision based on my pencilled-in markup. Sigh...I don't know. So I still end up having to spend quite a lot of time on this. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Why am I working on this when other people are having fun and relaxing on a Saturday? Why do I care when other people don't seem to be thinking about this?

I'm not accusing anyone or blaming anyone. Just goin' through an introspection, as I do every so often. Am I not efficient enough that I have to put in OT so often? But the other engineer has to too...Is my attitude not right? How am I s'pposed to look at my work? I don't think I see my work as a job. But I wouldn't say that I look at it as a hobby either. Most people don't get paid for their hobbies. In fact I don't get paid for my OT either...Hm...OK I think what I want is that everybody puts in as much as everybody else on the team expects him/her to. But then how are we to define how much each person's s'ppoed to put it? My putting in enough may fail in someone else's eyes. And for sure I have no right to judge. So what am I to do? I can't work against my principles and stop caring about what I do...that'd be the death of me. So what am I supposed to do?

I must set my boundaries I think. It's my friend's b-day today. I'm only gonna give my work another half hour, and then I'm gonna turn my brain to a different direction and have fun for the rest of the night. Yeah. And my optimism tells me the person who did the revision for me will learn quick and after a few more rounds, I have faith that she'll be able to take over this stuff without too much input from us engineers. Everybody learns, and everybody deserves a chance to learn.

On an aside, I received some sad news about my dad's health. Maybe it's not as alarming as my sis made out to be, as she has a record of exaggerating things. I know as a fact that degeneration does come with old age. All the same, the news has saddened me.

But as I said, tonight's celebration of my friend's b-day. So out with the sad stuff, and in comes the celebration spirit!

My Coworker's Dream

I figured that I'd blog this since it's not every day that I show up in other people's dreams. Better do this when I still remember it. So my coworker's dream went like this:

I was driving and he was in the passenger seat, and we were heading towards some kind of mine in the Okanagan. All of a sudden we found ourselves on the mine, and the workers were mining ores out of a cliff or something. Out of the blue, this big chunk of rock/ore fell from above and it barely missed me. Then started all the clamor. Most people were gonna let the incident pass without filing any incident reports, and then came this one guy whose voice drowned out everybody else's and he insisted on filing an incident report. And the dream ended.

Nothing spectacular about this dream. And as with most dreams, this one doesn't make sense either. In fact, we were trying to find out this morning what mines were still operating in the Okanagan. The only one we came up with was Brenda Mine (??), which closed down quite a while back.

I wonder why we dream. Stress? I know most of the time when I dream, it's a sign that I'm stressed. I dream in the weirdest fashion, where I'm sorta half awake and half asleep. It's like I could snap right out of it if I really want to. So maybe I'm not exactly dreaming, but day-dreaming? But day-dreaming only happens when one's fully awake...Hm, this dream stuff is beyond me. O and there's deja-vu, which most of us have experienced one time or another I'm sure. Why does that happen? Hm...I actually don't ponder on these things too much. But when I do stop and give them thoughts, the mystery of it all is quite stifling. Sometimes I think, if I need to summarize my life, I can do that in 4 words - I WANT TO UNDERSTAND.