Congrats, Mike!

Can't believe it's almost the end of 2006! This year has definitely gone by super-fast, probably because it's been quite an interesting year for me...Starting with a bunch of startup trips @ Brittania Beach....then the conf. in Chicago....my CSTS....my P.Eng seminar/exam...and then all the summer adventures/parties...the start of my blog and... This year has marked many new exciting beginnings. I'm for sure looking forward to what's in store in 2007.

This year's X'mas holiday was a bit...strange cuz I had to house-sit for a few days. Thanks to A., K., and S. who entertained me on X'mas Eve. Boxing day was a bit unbearable...almost went insane just staying home for the entire afternoon. So now I have some insight into how caged birds feel like. I wondered how my mom could do it every day. Or how my sister could do it for that matter. I guess some people are just gifted that way...sucks that I'll be missing a New Year's Eve party b/c of this house-sitting thing again. So this is the end of all parties for me for 2006!

This co-worker of mine had told us that he was to propose to his g/f this X'mas, so we were all on his case today. And of course she said yes and the wedding will be in August next year! He brought in this little puppy to work today b/c the dog day care was closed for the holidays. Its hair was sooo soft, and warm. It's teething right now so it bites everybody. All the same, I had a blast playing with him. His name is Iyagr...if I spelt it right.

Here's my wish to health, happiness and peace for everyone in 2007!

Right, or Wrong?

Life's full of dilemmas and decisions. You make a decision based on what you know, or what you think you know, and you pray and hopefully when you look back you wouldn't regret.

Looking back, I've made quite a few bad decisions and have had to live w/ the consequences. I don't mind it, cuz to me life's a learning curve. What bothers me is that I can't really think of a decision I made that's driven by what I wanted (except for the moving out decision). It's always been based on what I think is better for the other people involved. Is this pride? Unconscious pride that says that I know what's good for everybody? Who am I to say what's good for everybody? Who am I to say I know what the other people have gone through or will go through?

I made a decision a few nights ago, and right after that I felt relieved and happy, b/c I believed that's what's best for the other party and that's what the other party wanted too. Trying not to think about it too much, esp. when the 2 of my best Christian friends/mentors don't think I've done the right thing. And neither does this co-worker of mine...this co-worker who's a mom to me and cares about everything in my life...and neither does my sister. This is the time when I wish my workload was crazy again...I must be crazy to wish for such a thing.

I set up my webcam last night so I could talk to my brother. O yes, I told my sister this morning that she's the 2nd person I love the most on earth. Needless to say who the first person is. Told her b/c it just occurred to me that I'd never told her before.

Got a b-day party to go to soon. Not really in a party mood. But then, it's my friend's b-day, so it's important. Happy b-day, N!

Back to Normality

Life's now back to normal. In a way, it's kinda boring...the aftermath of too much excitement and stress, I guess. I just realized that I wrapped up 3 projects in the last 3 weeks. Goin' down from 6 to 3 projects has been such a "sudden" change that my energy doesn't really know how to adapt, leaving me kinda exhausted during the day. In the morning and at night, I'm still fine.

It's a good thing that I'm leaving work on time, that I get to spend more time with my sister. We've never talked to each other like other sisters, I guess. It's strange that I could have a heart-to-heart talk with my friends, but have never done that with my sis...or I should say had never done that...until this past Sunday. Funny, almost felt like I was being drilled in an intensive interview. Man, asking me to remember the past few years was quite a task. All the same, I'm thankful for this time. I hope my sis & Peter make out fine in the end.

There are so many things in life one could be sad about. Maybe there's a reason why God gave us two eyes, because there's always more than one way of looking at things. Maybe that's why we can't live alone, b/c friends, or true friends brighten up all the sad times. I was so sad on Monday...sigh b/c I said something I shouldn't have said. And b/c someone I care about a lot shared some unpromising news with me about her life. And b/c I was tired. And b/c ... I told a lie.

And ... life goes on.

The Nativity Story

I'd never watched a play or anything about the birth of Jesus, so The Nativity Story was the first for me. I don't remember how I first heard of the story. I only remember stealing my brother's textbook so I could read all the little stories about Jesus life, since he was the only one of us who went to this elementary school where everybody had to take a bible course. The book had all these pictures too, I used to love that book.

I enjoyed The Nativity Story, esp. when it afforded me a chance to see the story all in a new light. Had quite a few thoughts flip through my mind as I watched it. I must say, however, I'm not sure if a non-Christian would enjoy the movie as much.

At certain times in my life, I could almost identify with Mary, esp. when she was pregnant with child and nobody in her family believed her. But she held on to what she believed because she had seen an angel, because she had experience God which she couldn't explain to others. I know how it feels to be an "outcast", to be misunderstood, to be unsupported. But I also know how blessed it is to have the strength from God during those times. I wouldn't say I have unshakable faith, and in fact a lot of times I consider my faith very weak. But I have been blessed to be put in situations where I was like Mary, where I could only brave the path alone because that's the path I believed God told me to take, a path that most people didn't think would help me (even my own pastor doubted me...it hurt!) But thinking back, I know I wasn't alone. Mary was given Elizabeth to strength her faith, and I was given two wonderful women who sincerely kept my in their prayers every day.

I believe most people go through desert times in their lives at least once. Jesus had to go through it when he was tested. I never thought that Mary & Joseph had to too, but they must've on their way to Bethlehem and on all the other evasion trips from Herod's soldiers. I truly believe that God engineers circumstances in our lives to make us better, to train us to be stronger, to mold us to be what we were made to be. Sometimes I wonder if I misbehave, or if I don't respond to Him like I should, I'd be missing a lesson, or I would be stuck where I am. I don't want to miss lessons b/c I'm a stubborn child, and I truly desire to move into all that He has for me, but I'm also fully aware that I'm human and I'm weak...but God's grace must be sufficient for me? I don't mind being in the desert, and I've been through a desert...a big one, when my tears would've been enough to carve a river through the desert. Deserts are good for us, this I have no doubt about. They draw us, or least they draw me closer to God, as long as I go to Him, instead of simply cross my hands and pout. Truly, poor people are rich. This I also know from 1st-hand experience.

I wonder if men like Joseph still exist in this day and age. Honourable men like Joseph. Unspoiled by the world, but not outsmarted by the world either. That'd be my man! Sometimes I really wonder if such pure love could still be found between a man and a woman. If it doesn't, then I'm really screwed! My ideals won't let me accept anything less! God must've put something special in my heart when He made me, this desire for and admiration of purity...I simply can't shake it off, nor do I want to. It's one of the reasons why I love fresh snow...the pure pristine white. Not that I'm that pure...I've done "dirty" things before, before my heart turned to God..and I still say something rude sometimes and all...but purity I love. Maybe this is one of the gifts that God's graciously bestowed upon me.

I've been thinking a lot about God and what it means to be a Christian...or whether I'm being a true Christian. To me, the foremost thing is my relationship with God...but I don't emphasize on testifying. I mean, I testify when I'm comfortable doin' it, but I don't do that often at all. In fact, I have never liked testimonies, for my own reasons. And I don't talk to people about God, I pray for some of my non-Christian friends and sometimes strangers, but I don't usually take the initiative to do that. In fact lately, people around me seem to just like talking to me about God so much...or I should say, telling me about why they don't believe. Seriously, even people I've met like twice, they start telling me about God, about what they don't believe about God, etc. when I haven't even said anything. Why? A friend of mine recently told me that she's glad that I don't push the God topic on her like other Christians she knows. I don't do that b/c I hated it when I was that topic was pushed on me, when people kept inviting me to their fellowships after a series of no's. But, she started me thinking, am I being a good Christian? Should I be saying something? But why would I say something because I think I should, when it's not my style of doin' things? When it's against what I accept?

Anyway, my questions go on...I wonder when I'll find the answers. There's this movie I really wanna see...saw its trailer tonight. Think it's called Pursuit of Happiness, by Will Smith. I love stories like this, the holding up of ideals despite what you see, the sweat-filled/tear-filled journey from reality to a breakthrough into something beyond, something that can only be birthed because you have dreams.

My Brother

I worked till late tonight. By the time I realized how late it was, it was already past 9:30pm getting on to 10pm. Amidst the craziness and the rush, my thankfulness for my brother overflows my heart.

I've been working overtime quite consistently for a few months now. My brother's been the one making the meals, taking charge of majority of the house chores. It's so sweet to get an msn msg from him @ work asking me when I'm coming home, or if I'd need dinner that night. I'm sure I would've survived fine without my brother, but with him being there it's just a marvellous bonus.

Yes I love my brother very much, as most of my friends know. I find him adorable, honourable, understanding...and the list goes on. But most importantly, he is my God-given one and only brother. He's against what I believe in, just like the rest of the family is against Christianity or Jesus. All the same, he's unique. I'm a bit sad that I won't be spending the holidays with him...and in a way, I dread being with my sister...or maybe dread isn't the correct word.

He borrowed my sleeping bag tonight and in the middle of the hallway started wrapping himself in it just to make sure it'd fit him. My sis and I started carrying him in the bag around the house...it was stupid, but fun. It's nice to be kids...I hope we all keep the kids in us as we grow old. So far I haven't had problems doin' that, in fact, I may be one of those stubborn people who can't grow out of kidhood. If the truth be told, I'd like to be like those ppl who can be both, who possess both street smarts and kids' dreams. But things aren't usually perfect...

I'm feeling the fatigue of over-working. I'll be taking off early from work tomorrow. I do need the rest to keep my brain in functioning mode. Good night, world.

Blogging Unblogs My Mind

I like this blogging idea, thumbs up to the person or persons who came up with this idea. I'm so drained sometimes when I get home, and I could almost feel the physical weight of the stuff goin' on in my head. Even when I'm not working, the work stuff is still hiding at the back of my mind. I used to be able to turn it off, now I simply let it sit there. In a way it's kinda cool, cuz I can retreive things fairly quickly from the pile; down side is that my brain never quite gets to relax. Waiting for the short X'mas break to recharge...or maybe I'll take a few more days off.

So this is where blogging comes in handy. It helps me steer my mind in a different direction. It affords me a chance to have a fresh angle looking at things other than work. Sometimes I sit down with a clear idea of what to write; other times I just let my fingers fly. Today's such a time. Rush of thoughts along different lines. Sometimes I'm surprised how my brain jumps from one thing to another that's utterly on a different plane.

I'm a bit disturbed, and disappointed in myself in that my devotional time has dropped quite drastically. I'm slowly easing back to what I feel comfortable with; but uphill climbing is usually not easy. I've already hit a few bumps. I don't mind taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back, as long as I'm still moving up. I miss the time when my sin list was miles long, not that I'm proud of my sin-committing capability, just that I miss the time when God'll bring to my mind things that I shouldn't have done, but things I wouldn't have noticed to be "wrong" per se myself. Life's not simply an uphill, rather it's an up-and-down hill. Even when hiking, I prefer uphill a lot better; but I guess I can't simply take one part of life and reject the rest. Learning to go downhill calls for courage, and recognizing when and how the curb the fall entails skills. Apparently, my courage and curbing skill must be quite lacking. But I want to go back up, and maybe hit another peak while I'm at it.

And on a completely different line, I need to date this. I've noticed that my ticklishness has improved. Probably should thank my coworkers. Let's see how far this improvement will go.

My Thermal Mug

Got this thermal mug @ my friend's staff X'mas party this past weekend. Getting to like it quite a bit, though not really utilizing it to its max functionality. It's s'pposed to keep its contents warm with 12V power from the car, but it does its job quite well without the 12V input. But then, it's been warmer these couple of days, and I've only been using it indoors. So the conclusion may not be fair.

This mug has certainly won enough attention @ work, being pluggable to the car. The only complaint I have against it is that it can ONLY be powered from the car...so I was gonna make this my X'mas project this year...to modify it so it could run on 12V batteries. I was just sharing this with a co-worker of mine, when he brought up a very good point, that 12V batteries would run out very easily...but one of those portable auto battery rechargers might work. I've got one of those somewhere in my trunk I think, which I haven't used for years so I doubt if it's still functional. All the same, the idea of powering my thermal mug with an auto battery recharger isn't exactly appealing. But I think I'll still try to see if my 12V battery project would come through or not, just to make myself happy. The only thing I need is...time.

Time's such a precious gift.

I need a break.

Bath Machine

Here's an idea I conjured up out of desperation last night when I was taking the shower. Kinda weird, I was so exhausted for reasons I couldn't pinpoint exactly, that it was an effort to be taking the shower. So I was tinkering with this bathroom machine idea in my head, imagining all these linkages moving around to scrub me, while I could simply lie there doin' nothing. Just relaxed and letting the machine do all the work.

So I brought this up today in a casual conversation with a co-worker of mine. And lo and behold, apparently he'd seen something like that on TV, designed for handicapped people. All these smart buggers! So I went online to do some surfing, and that's when I learnt that there's a music band somewhere out there called Bathroom Machine! Why some band would name itself like that, I've got no slightest clue.

Today was a fabulous day, with sunshine!!! When the sun comes out, I'm usually happy. But I did something wrong today...some guy was stuck in snow in the back alley this morning. I think I could've helped him out, with a shovel, but I didn't cuz I was in a hurry to pick up my co-worker. But honestly, I could've called my co-worker to tell him I'd be late. Felt pretty selfish and ungrateful not helping out, especially since someone helped me when I was stuck 2 days ago. Didn't return the favor when my chance came up. My regrets.

The week's coming to an end again. The sun's making me a bit lazy @ work, though it energizes my spirit. My work continues to grow...and sadly, there's no snow in the forecast for next week, and may not be any more for the rest of the year.