Zoom zoom zoom...

This week's been an incredibly fast week. Work's quite busy...wish I didn't slack off that much the week or two I returned from NY/Boston. I'm getting a new project tomorrow...a bit excited because it's a Saudi Arabian project, and also a bit stressed because there are a few other things I need to get done quick. Thursday will be the day when we start on assembly of a new skid. This time we'll have enough crew hands, but the hardware may not arrive on time...which is partially my fault. This is probably gonna be another fast week!

Went to the Chelsea premium outlets yesterday with a friend of mine. Everything's quite the same as last time I was there, except that the Food Court's complete now and the weather wasn't as good. Shopping went pretty fast, and yes some of the stores (mostly kitchenware stores) were selling X'mas stuff already. It was so nice to see a X'mas tree...I can't wait till X'mas. How I wish we'd have a white X'mas this year!

We went to a jazz club called Tula's in Seattle later on that evening. My first jazz experience in Seattle. It was actually quite impressive...the jazz shows that I've been to are more singing-based, with the instruments as the backdrop, or with periodic accentuations of one particular instrument. This one was mainly featuring the piano...or I should say the pianist. There was swing jazz, lyrical jazz, and other types whose names I don't know. It was very nice...except for the drum. That wooden drum. I mean, that drum was cool too...but I've never learnt to appreciate that type of drum. Dunno why.

Other than the jazz, the highlight of the day was that for the very first time, I saw sheep on the highway ride towards the US/Canadian border! Yes there are actually sheep living here not far from me! They looked greyish...dark greyish. I was soo happy to see them! I've always wanted to hold a sheep, to feel the wool and all. My friends don't understand it because they say the sheep are dirty and smelly. Well maybe I'll agree with them once I've held one, but since I haven't, I still want to. Now I have to find a way to that farm and say hi to the sheep. That reminds me, I need to google whether sheep sleep lying down or standing up.

I hope I'll get to hold a sheep soon.

There's a Time for Everything

I'm feeling a lot better now, thanks so much to the three wonderful ladies who prayed for me last night. Life again feels solid, and is slowly beginning to feel driven again. I've come to notice that every time I get into "trouble", it's most likely because I forget God loves me. Before, when I didn't know Him, life was nice and dandy without Him. But now that I've met Him, I know with such intense certainty that I won't be able to survive without Him. Sometimes when it's all quiet and I'm thinking about what God has been in my life, my heart goes out to some of my friends who don't know Him, because they don't know what they could have. Sometimes I feel extremely stupid because I know what I have, but I forget what I know I have.

There was a time in my life when I was very aware of God's love for me, and that's the happiest time in my life. There was a time in my life when I was so in love with God that I could literally feel my heart explode for Him every morning when I woke up. There was a time when I wished I hadn't known God or God hadn't found me, because it had become so stressful trying to find out what His will was. There was a time when God became a Mr No to me because everything I asked Him, He bascially gave me a no. There was a time when my family teamed up against me calling me crazy and various names, and it hurt but also brought me joy because I knew Jesus was with me. I look back on my life, and I look around me @ the people @ work (yes I'm updating my blog at lunchtime haha), and I know without a doubt that God's real. If we would all understand...

I cannot guarantee that I won't let go of God's hands. But I pray that God'll give me the confidence that when I do let go, He'll come get me with His arms. Make me an obedient child who understands Your heart, and on whom Your face always shines, Lord. Amen.

It's A Mess!

I'm so glad this week is over. A new week has officially started. Sigh...I'm a bit distressed? Disturbed? I'm not sure what I've been feeling. Lost...kinda like just floating floating floating. Not exactly sitting behind the steering wheel; or maybe I'm sitting still, but the car's on cruise control and I'm just letting the car take me wherever. Hands off the steering wheel. I don't know...I don't know. I DON'T KNOW and I hate this feeling...this confusion. I HATE IT!

This past week, I've been haunted by nightmares. It's almost like one or more per night. Staying up late sorta helped. Watching DVD's had its merit too, partially. O my mind's been goin' into overdrive, thinking about so many things at the same time. These things must've been lurking in my mind for a while now, but I've never looked at them squarely in the face. Guess this is now the time, if I'd ever wanna have peace again.

I know I've been dodging these "issues", because I didn't think they were that important (o, I just killed a big spider!). Or maybe this is a lie...I do think they're important, I didn't want to deal with them because I knew they'd put me in an opponent position against God, and I knew I'd never win. I'm scared of running away from God, but it's exactly what I've been doin'. I'm always troubled by this nagging feeling whenever I'm at odds with God, and it's this nag that's been eating me away. Sigh...it's time to turn around. I need to go home.

My New Friend

I made a new friend today. It was a lady who lives not too far away from me. She's got two mixed kids (White & Chinese), the girl is called Nikki & the 16-month-old boy Leo. She and her mom are Christians, and her hubby is Catholic.

I lost my bible last Sunday on my way to church. This woman was just strolling around w/ her hubby a few blocks down from where I live and her hubby's the one who caught the bible. I'm so grateful that he did. She called me two days ago (my phone number's on the 1st page of the bible) and was going to meet up yesterday, but it turned out that our time didn't work out and I never called to confirm the time. This evening on my way home, I just happened to see the Langara Garden sign which reminded me of her. So I called her right away & showed up at her door like 10 minutes later. And we chatted it up pretty quick, and I got introduced to everyone in the family except for her husband who was busy with something, or maybe he simply didn't like visitors.

She and her family actually moved to Vancouver from Toronto just this summer. There are a lot of things that they have to decide on, and she's currently looking for a Mandarin-speaking church, a Chinese school for her kids, and a baby-sitter. So I'm goin' to hook her up with this other friend of mine from Mainland China who I think would be able to help her out. Funny, it's moments like this that I really believe that we're all somehow connected together. Friend's friend, and friend's friend's friend, and so on...There are people who flash into my life and out within seconds, there are some who stay longer, and there are some who've been with me ever since I moved to Vancouver (which to me is my whole life, although in numbers, it's not quite half of it yet). I believe that there's always a reason why you meet certain people, or why certain people linger around in the background whom you don't exactly interact with but who are somehow always there. I don't always know what the reason is, nor do I spend much time thinking about these things, nor do I think I will in the near future. But this weekend has been time spent chatting and interacting with different people...and that's what got me thinking again. I truly believe that people rub off on each other, and I eagerly hope that my influence on others is a positive one. I don't expect much, maybe just to bring a smile on someone's face, to make someone feel good about himself/herself...really simple little things which could mean so much to some people.

On a lighter note, I just realized that I can speak Mandarin. Not perfectly of course, with an accent probably. And I don't always know the words, or how to express myself in that language. But I surprised myself and my friends when I found myself talking OK with the herbalist/Chinese medicine doctor yesterday, and again with my new friend today. Yup, living with a Mandarin-speaking person for 2.5 years does come in handy!

A Little Reflection

I'm trying to avert my eyes from the chunk of spec. documents lying on my desk. This blog provides a temporary refuge...I mean, distraction.

There was a traffic jam on Oak Street yesterday morning. I wasn't sure how long I'd be stuck, so when I got a chance, I simply turned into the opposite lanes and did a u-y. It's probably a violation of the traffic rule, but I did it so naturally that the possibility of a violation never entered my mind...until I checked my e-mail during my lunch hour. It just happened that a friend of mine was in the rightmost lane and saw me to the u-turn. In fact, by that time I'd completely forgotten about that u-turn incident, and it actually took me quite a few seconds to figure out what he was referring to in the e-mail. That's when it hit me - that God's watching whatever I do/say. Whatever I do/say is accountable, and there's nothing hidden from His eyes.

I didn't exactly feel very guilty, but I confessed and repented anyway. On my way home travelling northbound on Oak, I was gonna make a left turn (against the law again) into the gas station. But then my conscience cried that I should make my repentance true, so I did it the right way, went a few extra meters, and did two left turns the lawful way. I wondered if God smiled upon that!

I used to wear a cross around my neck...until probably 2 years ago. The cross would peak from underneath my shirt once in a while as I walked, and it's those moments that made me think how good a Christian I was. I wasn't perfect (neither am I now, or will ever be on earth). I'd lose my temper sometimes, say "crap" or "shxt" sometimes, be too lazy to help someone, dislike certain people...things like that. I didn't think I was a "shining" Christian, and I was afraid that I was being an embarrassement to God. What's the point of wearing a cross and showing the whole world that, when I wasn't exactly living the cross? I knew I was being harsh on myself (as usual), and I knew God loved me anyway, but I decided to put down my necklace and the cross. Haven't worn it since.

I just pulled out my necklace and the cross. The cross looks the same. But I've changed since.

Nothing Day

Today's a nothing day for me. Did absolutely nothing. And I actually stayed home the entire day, except for my blood donation appointment. I don't remember doin' this since before the summer. It was nice up till the evening, and then I got so bored and agitated over doin' nothing it almost made me sick.

I missed a lot of things today. First it was a brekkie with my friends this morning before two of them went off to Las Vegas. Yes I actually slept in! Can you believe that?! Well, technically I didn't exactly sleep in I guess, I more or less simply stayed in bed thinking about things...until about 9pm when I finally decided to pull myself up. Then I "missed" my lunch with my other friends, because I thought I should stay home for lunch, esp. with all these recent complaints about me never dining at home anymore. I would've missed my blood donation appointment too had I not checked my calendar! Good thing that I caught it in time. And because of this donation thing, I had to miss a tennis game, which would've been so nice since I hadn't played since I came back from NY/Boston. Well, after my blood donation appointment, I was goin' to meet up with my friends whom I was s'pposed to have gone to lunch with, except I decided against the idea when I found out that they wanted to go shopping. So we thought we'd get together when the shopping was done. But by the time it was done, they were tired and wanted a nap, so we actually never met up.

So this was my day. A boring, uneventful day. I feel like I wasted a day. Sigh...My only accomplishment was that I almost finished reading a book. Speaking about books, I lost my bible. I think it fell off the top of my trunk yesterday...thanks to my absent-mindedness. I LOST MY BIBLE!!! The bible with all my personal notes written in there. In a sense, it was even more personal than my diary. I'm completely at a loss why I couldn't find it when I traced my path...I found other pages that were enclosed in the bible, but not the bible itself. I so hope that whoever finds it would return it, because I've put my phone number on the first page in case I ever lose it. Or if the finder decides to keep it, o I pray that he/she would be blessed by it and he/she would protect and keep confidential all the stuff I've scribbled in there!

Thanksgiving Day

Today's a fairly regular day for me, but for our church, today marked the beginning of having Sunday School children serve the adults. It was quite a different sight with little children on the welcoming team, doin' scriptural reading, and collecting offering. I love the idea of giving the kids a chance to serve, and the adults a chance to learn together with the kids. Yes the various services could get a little messy, as they usually do when a change is implemented, but there were adult mentors to ensure that things didn't get out of hand. I I don't know about other parishioners, but I believe that God was smiling upon all these children the whole time.

All the Sunday school children offered a praise sacrifice today - a total of 3 songs: Obey Obey, Jesus Loves Me, and It's a Great Day to Praise the Lord. There's action that went along with the lyrics, and the children did it well. I saw this man sitting diagonally in front of me, who must be dady to one of the children, leaning forward watching his kid, moving his arms about to match the action that his kid was doin'...maybe to guide his kid along, maybe to encourage him, or maybe simply to enjoy the process together with him. I know this wasn't anything spectacular, but it touched me. It's the precious love of a parent for his child.

I thought of the girls in my Sunday school class...all of whom were blessed with a loving family. I thought of my friends who were raised in the love of their parents, and also those who didn't have that privilege. I wonder, as long as there's love, the kids cannot turn out too wrong. Yet there are so many parents out there who have no clue how one simple comment, or the lack of one, could turn a child's straight path crooked, or delve a cut so deep in his heart that it may never completely heal.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Grande Prairie

I walked into Weyerhaeuser today and there was that familiar pulp mill smell...brought back memories of my time in Mackenzie. Yup it's the very same smell. It almost made Grande Prairie feel like home; not home like Vancouver, but home as in Mackenzie home, something I could identify with.

Grande Prairie is a booming town, and it helps with all the oil patches that are digging up more money out of the ground. A lot of people have moved here because of the job opportunities here, and most of the industrial jobs are fairly high-paying (indeed the numbers have shocked me so far). So far everybody I've met, including the cab driver last night, is from elsewhere; mostly Calgary, Edmonton or Toronto. I wouldn't mind moving here if the chance popped up, although somehow I know this isn't the place for me. Too bad.

People here are a bit different. They lean more towards the town people feel rather than the city feel. It's almost nostalgic working with the people at the mill today...they felt the same as in Mackenzie. I'm sure there are certain politics at the workplace; but on the surface, everybody felt like family. And a huge family at that. Yes I miss some of the people from Mackenzie...and Sparwood. Met quite a few good friends there, whom I've lost touch (yup typical me) , a few "brothers" and a few "dads".

Drove and walked around downtown today since I got off early. Or I mean on time at 5pm...actually 10 minutes before since the other guys had to take off. Weather's perfect; maybe a bit chilly for some people, but I loved it. I can see this town being windy and dusty in the winter, and I probably wouldn't like it then. But the drive from the town limits (I think the sign said "city limits", but Grande Prairie is a town to me. Any place whose downtown spans over less than 8 blocks is a town to me) is quite nice. Nothing scenic really, because the trees are all yellow now. But the drive itself is nice. There's a very steep slope on one side that takes you down to more trees (kinda like driving right along Wreck Beach) and there are no rails, so it's a bit scary. One thing I noticed though is that people seem to obey speed limits here. I'm definitely not used to driving at 70km/hr on what feels like a highway...had to catch myself slowing down so many times. On my way back to town, I just gave up and sped by at 100km/hr...hm...maybe I shouldn't be publishing this online. I wonder if I could get a ticket this way?

Gotta get in at 7am tomorrow. There's still some trouble-shooting and correction to be done to the logic. Then the real game starts. I'm a bit concerned about the change in the logic control loop...and the material quality; but I shall find out!

Another Adventure

Interesting things happen to me all the time. And tonight held another adventure, filled with one mishap after another.

Got into Grande Prairie about 1/2hr late, and therefore missed my rental car rep. which closed at 10pm. Tried the answering service and had no luck with their on-call system. So I had to avail myself of my last resort - cab! The cab driver was a nice fella, and told me quite a bit about the town. Think we would've made good buds if the ride was longer.

I'm spending my first night in this inn about which I've read various reviews. I had no choice because most of the better hotels are all booked up. I'll switch to Sandman for the next 2 nights, which I'm looking forward to...I walked into this Inn straight to the reception, and received no smiles, which was an unimpressive disappointment. Filled in my address, did the credit card and the usual proc, and got my access card for room 424. Got up to the 4th floor, and counting along the hallway 421, 422, 423, 425, 426...and I walked back to see if I'd missed 424. Lo and behold! It's simply not there! The "what da..." feeling washed over me, and I decided to walk on anyway...and found room 424 almost towards the end of the hallway. For some reason, whoever arranged the rooms had decided to restart counting 424 somewhere else.

I walked into the room and was relieved to find that all the light switches worked. I simply don't like sleeping alone in a completely dark hotel room. The adventure continued into my shower, where the water consistently alternated from hot to warm to cold; but at least it wasn't burning hot or freezing cold. So that cut my shower short. Then I turned on the TV, hoping to catch the news before I did some final prep for tomorrow...and guess what? The TV didn't work! Even the hotel menu didn't show up!

As I sit typing this blog away, I'm surprised to not find myself feeling frustrated or unlucky at all. Rather, I find this whole episode very hilarious. This is something one would see in a comedy...I can't believe it actually unfolded in my life in the last while. Unbelievable! Too funny to be true!

Ha!

Preconditioned Mindset

I'm flying out tomorrow for Grande Prairie on a startup/commissioning work trip. Interesting that every one of my friends who's heard of this trip thinks that it's gonna be fun. I mean, yes, it hopefully should be fun...if everything goes right. But when does it ever? But I can hope on...

I think when people hear of a work trip, they tend to associate it with a business trip. A trip where you dress nicely and meet with some other potential working partners, you chat it up, dine with them, trying to cultivate a better relationship. Well my trip will be different. I'll be in my coveralls and steel-toe boots, with hard hat & safety glasses on (probably can skip my high-viz vest this time). It's gonna be dirty. But at least I'll be white dirty rather than black dirty, because of the material I'll be handling.

I have no idea how things will turn out on Thurs. I'm trying to keep my mind off of what could go wrong, and not worry too much. I've got sorta a plan in my mind, which I'll put down on paper some time tomorrow...maybe during my flight. Hopefully things will run smoothly in the correct sequence without too much trouble. Got to print out a similar program for reference if the existing logic isn't complete...got to make sure I know how to set the pressure switch...got to review my understanding of a PID loop & the parameters...

Well...one thing at a time I guess. My first adventure tomorrow is finding my hotel in the dark after I get off the plane! I wonder what kinda rental car I'll get?

It hurts!

Had my first go at foot (reflexology) massage this afternoon. Boy did it ever hurt! Hurt so bad that I was sweating all over by the time the messuse was done with my left foot...and there was still the right one to go. Ahhh...I can still feel the spots where the searing pain was. The pain is almost gone, but the thought of the pain will linger a while longer. My first taste of phantom pain will probably come later tonight...Ouch!

I guess if I let myself go, I would've screamed and shaken the whole room. Yes it hurt that much! Imagine that this is a non-exaggerated statement coming from a person who can forebear pain quite well, so really this is an understatement. It's most devastating to be awakened to how unhealthy I really am. We tried to source the problem in my life style...and failed. I exercise regularly (except for this week when I slept all my spare time away, which wasn't much to start with), I drink lots of fluid (2-3 L of water on a regular day), I eat fairly healthy (as most of my friends can testify) and I...have no idea!!! So here the investigative part of me is aroused. And I guess it's not solely the investigative me, but I'd also like to take a defensive stand about my health. So here's my game plan. I'm goin' to give this foot massage thing a second try and see if the same places hurt as much. And I'll check if there's any "improvement" in my system this coming week after my suicidal attempt at the masseus' today. I know I'm a complete novice at this, and having never quite paid close attention to my body nor having ever been sensitive about how my body feels , this may prove to be quite a daunting task for me. But at least I should learn something in the process. And if it's goin' to take more than 2 foot massage sessions to get to the bottom of all this, I'm up for it!!!

In fact, the learning process has already begun today. If what the masseus said was valid, and my gut feel is that it was...her being a certified masseus/Chinese med doctor/acupuncturist and her coming across as an ethical pro. She indicated to me which part of my feet relates to which organ(s), and how the right foot pretty much reflects the same organs as the left foot except that it is also linked to the liver (or maybe something else, my memory fails me here) while the left foot isn't. She also explained why I get bruises so often when I haven't physically bumped into anything (or not in my awareness anyway). And apparently the veins along which I bruise most often are related to...something which I don't remember...is it blood circulation? Ah...information overload. I'll have to suck in all this info again next week when I brace myself through another 45 minutes of inferno suffering.

And I keep telling myself...this pain could be enlightening. This pain may very well be revitalizing. And no, I'm not masochistic. Not at all!