What Am I Doin'?

It's been raining all day as far as I know. Doesn't matter to me much since I've been working since late this morning. Sometimes I like the rain, even standing in it. Never stood still in pouring rain though, it just occurred to me. I should try it. Another thing on my virtual to-do list. Some day I should really sit down and put all these things on paper.

Sigh...I'm a bit disappointed today. Been goin' over some stuff that I asked someone to revise for me, and I caught quite a few mistakes. Makes me feel like the whole thing was put together without due care. Maybe it was because it was done in a hurry, and it was one of the first manuals she'd done, and maybe I expected too much. But then most of it was simply exact revision based on my pencilled-in markup. Sigh...I don't know. So I still end up having to spend quite a lot of time on this. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. Why am I working on this when other people are having fun and relaxing on a Saturday? Why do I care when other people don't seem to be thinking about this?

I'm not accusing anyone or blaming anyone. Just goin' through an introspection, as I do every so often. Am I not efficient enough that I have to put in OT so often? But the other engineer has to too...Is my attitude not right? How am I s'pposed to look at my work? I don't think I see my work as a job. But I wouldn't say that I look at it as a hobby either. Most people don't get paid for their hobbies. In fact I don't get paid for my OT either...Hm...OK I think what I want is that everybody puts in as much as everybody else on the team expects him/her to. But then how are we to define how much each person's s'ppoed to put it? My putting in enough may fail in someone else's eyes. And for sure I have no right to judge. So what am I to do? I can't work against my principles and stop caring about what I do...that'd be the death of me. So what am I supposed to do?

I must set my boundaries I think. It's my friend's b-day today. I'm only gonna give my work another half hour, and then I'm gonna turn my brain to a different direction and have fun for the rest of the night. Yeah. And my optimism tells me the person who did the revision for me will learn quick and after a few more rounds, I have faith that she'll be able to take over this stuff without too much input from us engineers. Everybody learns, and everybody deserves a chance to learn.

On an aside, I received some sad news about my dad's health. Maybe it's not as alarming as my sis made out to be, as she has a record of exaggerating things. I know as a fact that degeneration does come with old age. All the same, the news has saddened me.

But as I said, tonight's celebration of my friend's b-day. So out with the sad stuff, and in comes the celebration spirit!