Day of Tears

My spirit's really low. Felt so sad. How much power could a person hold? How am I suppose to put this into words? How am I to respond?

Been thinking about God all day, trying to make it through with His help. Memories came back, memories of 2 years ago. Was I glad that He was there for me to go to. There are things that I can't tell anyone but Him. He's got such a way with me that I can simply bare my heart and soul when my heart feels like lead. And I can cry, knowing that He'll catch my tears in a bottle, confident that no matter what, I'm a treasure in His eyes because I'm wondrously and fearfully made. What am I gonna do without You Lord?

Heart's still heavy. But I've come to see something else out of this situation, such that I can honestly and happily thank God for this. I consider this a time for me to go closer to God, which I've been praying for. I'm not looking for mountaintop experiences, or anything spectacular, I just wanna be close to Jesus. Really close. Basic life close, pratically close, banally close. Is God not bigger than my sadness, bigger than the problems that are in my way. His hands aren't too short to catch me are they? They aren't too weak to crunch the obstacles into nothingness are they?

I got a message today..."My grace is sufficient for you". Used to go "yikes" when I received that message, because I'd think "shoot, trouble's near". I don't seek trouble, but I don't feel negative about that message no more. In a way, I long for it...or rather...expectantly check around me and inside of me to see how God wants to draw me closer, which part of Him He wants to reveal to me. That's where I want to be, by His side, because that's where I'm home, where I know I'm safe.

I believe some day I will fly. And I will fly really high. High enough to defy gravity. If it takes a few bumps and scratches, God I want you to know that I'm willing to pay the price. And yes, I'm scared even as I said it, because I really have no clue where that price sits, or even what range we're dealing with here. But just make me not look at the price, Lord, but beyond it towards what lies behind it.

My God my everliving everlasting God, I know nothing's impossible with You.